And what, pray tell, is a shower daddy?

Right. This isn't easy for me to say. But I'm a big boy and I can make hard choices.

I ...

I ...

I agree with Boris Johnson.

Now, I know this requires more than a bit of explanation.

In the interests of security and protecting our democratic rights by taking them away, Tony Blair has threatened to imprison anyone who publishes details of the conversation in which he and his Sith Master (Dubya to you and me) discussed bombing the broadcaster Al Jazeera. The buffoonish Tory (Johnson, not Bliar) had this to say:

"The Attorney General's ban is ridiculous, untenable, and redolent of guilt. I do not like people to break the Official Secrets Act, and, as it happens, I would not object to the continued prosecution of those who are alleged to have broken it. But we now have allegations of such severity, against the US President and his motives, that we need to clear them up.

If someone passes me the document within the next few days I will be very happy to publish it in The Spectator, and risk a jail sentence."

He is not alone. The folks at Blairwatch feel the same way. And I do too:

Want this Badge on your Site?

Wolf in Blair's clothing

I give Tony Blair a hard time. That's because he's a war-mongering, deceptive, slimeball who squandered a tremendous opportunity to change this country for the better.

But he's a million times better than the Tory Blair, David Cameron. The trick the right-wing coven behind him are trying to pull off is: 1) Sound like Blair. 2) Talk about the centre and put forward vague, centrist-sounding ideas. 4) Get into power. 5) Take the mask off.

The difference between Blair and Cameron is that Blair did not come from nowhere. People knew what Blair stood for. He was one of a group of promiment "modernisers" in the Labour Party. He took over from a leader who had sought to make the party more electable by moving towards the centre. He was surrounded by like-minded people who had been involved at the highest levels of Labour for years: Brown, Mandelson, etc. The "old" Labourites (including myself) may not have liked the shift to the Right but it was openly the Blair project. Despite the slagging he gets, Blair was not just talk.

The only thing we know about Cameron is he dresses casual, made a half-decent conference speech and has lots of friends who hang out in Notting Hill. I'm worried by that crowd and who pulls their strings. And how far to the right they will be pulled after the election.

R. E. S. P. E. C. T.

Tony Blair wants to teach us how to respect each other. Now cynics might suggest this is because he's run out of policies and is now scrabbling around for headline-grabbing buzzwords.

I, however, would not stoop so low. I would merely point out that if TB is so concerned about the respect of the British people he should start treating us with some and come clean about the fairy tales he wove to get us to go to war with Iraq. You see, if you respect people, you don't lie to them.

I mean, we wouldn't want history repeating itself, would we now? Would we?

Time is short and life is good

My feel-good predictions for the future? War with Iran. Global pandemic. Tory victory at the next general election.

Happy New Year. I'm emigrating to Mars.

On a lighter note, I rediscovered The Jam this festive season. I've been listening to Going Underground on repeat for the past fortnight. I recommend it as a cure-all against the coming sabre-rattling as we eagerly await the next instalment in George And Tony's Big Terrorist Adventure (Episode IV: A No Hope).

What you see is what you get
You’ve made your bed, you better lie in it
You choose your leaders and place your trust
As their lies wash you down and their promises rust
You’ll see kidney machines replaced by rockets and guns
And the public wants what the public gets
But I don't get what this society wants.

Couldn't have put it better myself.